THIS STUFF IS MADE BY EUGENE BALDOVINO.
"Vintage Hardware"

FADE IN:

EXT. DARPA GEAR LABS - DAY (IN THE FUTURE, YEAR 2180)

A punk teenager, DREW, 15, male, torn jeans, worn leather jacket, scruffy hair that flops over the front of his eyes walks alongside OPTIMAL, a humanoid robot, black metal body with a human head that has rugged good looks resembling Brad Pitt.

They stroll alongside a fence with a sign that says:

"Intruders Will be Electrocuted"

The bottom of the sign has an image of a person with lightning bolts emanating from his body.

Drew points past the fence.

DREW
That old building looks fun.

POV of Optimal:

The screen dissolves to a green tint with a grid overlapping the view of the old building.

Text appears on the screen:

"Unidentified objects."

End of POV.

OPTIMAL
Drew, it appears dangerous.
We should return to Quadrant 7
where it is safe.

DREW
Oh come on, tin can man. Didn't
Techara program you with fun
software? Where's your funny
bone?

Drew taps him under the elbow.

OPTIMAL
Please stop that. My circuity
may still be damaged from
our encounter with your rival,
Megamus.

DREW
Ah. You did great. You sent
that cyborg to the recycling
bin.

OPTIMAL
If you keep commanding me to
perform delinquent actions,
you'll be sent to the
reformatting facility.

DREW
That's just an old wive's tale.

They hear a RATTLING NOISE coming from the old building ahead.

DREW (CONT'D)
Let's check that mother out.

Drew jumps onto the back of Optimal Borg, piggy-back style.

OPTIMAL
You are responsible for
my actions, Drew.

DREW
Hurry up, already.

They leap over the fence and land safely on the other side.

Drew jumps off his back.

DREW (CONT'D)
I bet people would think
I was cool if I had cyborg
skills.

OPTIMAL
Cool? As in cold?

DREW
Shit, didn't they program
you with a dictionary? Optimal,
you're supposed to be the
latest model.

OPTIMAL
Shit, waste matter discharged
from the bowels. S. H. I. T.
Shit.

He points to a lump of feces on the ground a couple of feet away.

DREW
Of all the cyborgs to steal....

A ROBOTIC DOG appears from behind the building.

DREW (CONT'D)
Hey, it looks like one of those
old-school Aibo's.

OPTIMAL
The robot doesn't register in
my database. Something is
incorrect.

Robotic Dog opens its mouth exposing metal fangs.

DREW
I think it would be a bad
idea to pet it.

OPTIMAL
That is the smartest remark
you made all day.

Robotic Dog starts to run toward them with its trap-door mouth wide open.

DREW
Hey! Do something Optimal.

OPTIMAL
I'm sorry, Drew. The robot
does not register in
my database.

DREW
Forget this.

Drew runs away towards the electric fence.

DREW (CONT'D)
Stop that thing, you freaking
moron.

Robotic Dog runs past Optimal and closes in on Drew.

Drew makes it to the electric fence and stops before coming in contact with the fence.

He looks back.

Robotic Dog slows down as it comes near Drew's feet.

It pauses. The dog's head rotates its head 90 degrees so that it's sideways. Its mouth opens wider.

DREW (CONT'D)
You can't let me die!

Robotic Dog lifts one of its hind legs and takes a dump.

Optimal Borg pulls out a LASER HANDGUN secured in a compartment in his leg like Robocop.

He blasts Robotic Dog.

The dog collapses.

OPTIMAL
A littering cyborg is a sign
that it is malfunctioned. All
defected robots are to be
eliminated. Section 1987 of
the Safety Code.

DREW
I don't know what the hell
you just said, but I love
you man.

OPTIMAL
Love?

DREW
You know, like deepness. Like...
the next time you see me in
danger, you'd better do
something than stand there
like a jacked up Frankenstein.

A teenage girl appears from behind the building, GWEN, 15, tattered pants, spiked hair, and a tank top that reveals her muscles.

GWEN
Hey punk. That was my dog you
killed.

DREW
I'm sorry girl, but dangerous
animals need to be strapped to
a leash. The thing was gonna
tear my nuts off.

GWEN
Didn't you see the sign, punk.
Intruders will be electrocuted.
This is my turf.

DREW
(to Optimal)
Girls, they're so possessive.
Take a note of that Optimal.
(to Gwen)
Sorry, we'll leave.

GWEN
You're not getting away that
easily.

She speaks into a microphone on her wrist watch.

GWEN (CONT'D)
Gordon, get over here.

From behind the building appears, GORDON, a bulky looking humanoid robot whose plastic body is colored hot pink, its face looks aged. He has a beard that makes him look like Chuck Norris.

DREW
Who's that, your boyfriend?

Drew laughs uncontrollably.

DREW (CONT'D)
Man, look at that hot pink.
That's so 1980's. Woo hoo!

OPTIMAL
1980's is correct, Drew. According
to my records, Gordon is an
obsolete military model, a
Trooper Borg. Those robots
were used as decoys for foot
soldiers during the Gulf War.
The hot pink must have been
implemented by the girl.

DREW
No shit, Sherlock.
(to Gwen)
So you wanna fight, princess?

GWEN
The name is Gwen.

They walk up to each other.

DREW
I'd hate to hurt your feelings
because you're kinda cute, but
my borg is high tech.

Drew nods to Optimal.

Optimal raises his right arm in front of his face.

A compartment opens up and a mini speaker extrudes slightly.

DREW (CONT'D)
Play track 9.

LOUD PUNK ROCK music blasts from the mini speaker.

GORDON
Hey fool, turn that damn thing
down.

Drew appears surprised at the choice of words Gordon used.

GORDON (CONT'D)
Don't underestimate the value
of my parts. I'm more human
than robot.

OPTIMAL
Robots are not allowed to
contain human elements. You
are malfunctioned.

DREW
(to Gwen)
Did you hear that? You don't
stand a chance. Your borg is
broken.

Gwen nods at Gordon.

Gordon raises his right arm in front of his face.

He does the "running man" dance while shaking his head left to right, Egyptian style.

Gordon stops.

GWEN
My guy can dance. Bring it on,
punk.

Optimal reaches for his laser gun compartment.

But before he could open the compartment Gordon strikes Optimal in the throat with his fist.

Optimal stumbles back.

GWEN
Gordon also knows karate.

DREW
Karate?

OPTIMAL BORG
Karate, open handed combat
that originated in Okinawa.
It is an obsolete fighting
technique. K. A. R. A. T. E.
Karate.

GWEN
You're going down punk. He
used to be a champion martial
artist before they reformatted
him.

DREW
What're you talking about?

OPTIMAL
(to Gordon)
You must be terminated.

He reaches for his laser gun compartment again.

Gordon attempts to strike his throat again.

This time Optimal steps back and Gordon misses.

DREW
Ha. Gordon learns quickly.
You can't compete with the
power of modern technology.

Optimal manages to get a hold of his laser gun.

Gordon quickly steps forward and unleashes a firm kick that sends Optimal flying into the electric fence behind them.

His body convulses for a few moments until he falls to the ground.

DREW
No. You can't be dead.

He runs over to Optimal.

GWEN
Don't touch him, you idiot...

Drew places his hand on Optimal's head then jumps back in pain.

GWEN (CONT'D)
...or you'll get burned.

DREW
Your borg killed my man.

Optimal awakens and gets back on his feet.

DREW (CONT'D)
(excited)
Oh yeah.

OPTIMAL
(to Drew)
My power generator is damaged.
I have approximately ten minutes
before my body needs to be
recharged.

DREW
That's plenty of time to finish
this match.

OPTIMAL
(to Gordon)
It is unsafe for malfunctioned
robots to remain activated.

With laser gun still in hand, Optimal FIRES at Gordon.

Gordon is hit in the chest and blasts backwards onto his back.

GWEN
Get up Gordon. Show them you're
special.

DREW
He's just a piece of junk,
little girl.
(to Optimal)
Send him to the recycling plant
where he belongs.

Gwen runs over to Gordon who has fallen and gives him a strong hug.

GWEN
Gordon, I need you.

A HUMMING SOUND, like a computer fan, coming from Gordon starts up.

GWEN
You're still alive.
(to Drew)
Look at that tough guy. A puny
laser gun can't stop him.

GORDON
(whispering)
Dude, I'm seriously damaged.
I don't know if I can keep going.

GWEN
(whispering)
You're the strongest. They
killed my dog. They can't beat
us. We've met tougher guys than
them.

GORDON
(whispering)
The Borg has weapons.

DREW
Hey you pansies, you whispering
sweet nothings to each other or
what?
(to Optimal)
Go get him.

GWEN
We're gonna kick your candy asses.

Gordon gets up and approaches Optimal.

Optimal lifts up his laser gun.

Gordon launches a kick, but Optimal steps to the side, avoiding his foot.

Gordon follows up with a strike towards the throat, but Optimal steps to the side again to avoid his fist.

Optimal steps behind Gordon and throws a strike to the back of his neck. Gordon cringes in pain.

Optimal continues with a strong kick that sends Gordon flying through the air into the electric fence.

Gordon SCREAMS as his body is violated with electric currents.

He drops to the ground like a falling tree.

GWEN
Gordon. You can't lose.

OPTIMAL
I learned all of his movements.
Your borg could not compete
against my processing power.

DREW
Now, my borg knows karate.

Gwen runs up to Gordon.

GWEN
He's all I got.

DREW
Ah. That thing was just a piece
of trash. Why don't you join
us and we'll get you a brand
new borg... one without a beard.

Gordon's hand rises.

GWEN
You're alive!

Optimal fires his laser gun at Gordon.

GWEN
Stop it. You're hurting him.

Optimal ignores the girl's plea and continues to fire. Fragments of plastic and sparks burst from Gordon's body.

GWEN
He's dying. Please stop.

Gwen leap-frogs onto Optimal's back and pounds on his head.

Optimal finally stops.

OPTIMAL
Defects are not allowed to
function.

Gwen drops to the ground and CRIES.

DREW
Oh forget it. Girls are so
emotional about everything.
(to Optimal)
Let's get out of here.

Gwen creeps up to Gordon on all fours.

Drew hops onto Optimal's back and leaps over the fence.

GWEN
We're all defected. We all
malfunction. Gordon. You're
better than Optimal. Gordon!
Wake up.

From a distance, Drew looks back.

Optimal looks back as well.

OPTIMAL
Love?

There is nothing but SILENCE.

The CAMERA moves over the shoulders of Drew and Optimal and flies over to Gwen and Gordon.

Gwen gently touches his face.

Gordon's eyes open.

Gwen is speechless.

GORDON
My mechanical parts are busted.
But I still have my senses.

DREW
(from behind the fence)
What the hell is up with that
freaking borg?
(to Optimal)
Terminate that thing!

Gwen and Gordon look over to them.

GORDON
(shouting)
You can't terminate me. I'm
part human. You have to kill me.

GWEN
(to Gordon)
Stop talking like that.
(to Drew)
Leave us alone.

DREW
(to Optimal)
What are you waiting for?

OPTIMAL
My system has automatically
shifted to low power mode. My
body needs to be recharged.

DREW
You can't let a girl beat
us. And that borg, he's as old
as Pacman.

OPTIMAL
I suggest we return to
Quadrant 7, Drew.

Drew looks back at Gordon.

GORDON
I'm still ticking, punk.

FADE OUT.
COPYRIGHT March 14, 2000 ROBOTICSKILL
All content is my property, unless otherwise noted.